UNG offered six freshman- and sophomore-level courses in Blue Ridge this spring semester: Algebra, Psychology, Public Speaking, English and two political science courses, American Government and Global Issues. Most of these courses hold no interest to me. There’s no way I’m taking an algebra course. I figure I got this far in life knowing what little math I do know. Besides, I crashed and burned on algebra in high school when I couldn’t imagine imaginary numbers. As for psychology, I’m afraid I’ll discover that I have a committable mental condition. I’m pretty sure I don’t need a freshman-level English composition course. As a trial lawyer I feel I already have some proficiency at public speaking. Furthermore, I have no problem at all blurting out whatever is on my mind in public.
I wanted to take the global issues course since it deals with international relations but it conflicted with some other things on my schedule so that left the freshman level American Government course. I’m now halfway through it. In fact, I just finished my midterm (crushed it!), and I am on spring break. I was thinking of going to Panama City over the break with a load of beer to party hard with a bunch of drunken, hot, sweaty, bikini-clad college women but wisely decided not to. I can get the beer. It’s the other part of the equation I’m lacking. I’m also afraid that if I laid on a beach in a bathing suit I’d be mistaken for a washed up beluga whale and be the subject of a National Geographic aquatic rescue special.
My hope is that UNG will start offering courses in subjects like history, archeology, anthropology and some of the earth sciences like geology and meteorology at Blue Ridge. So when I heard that the director of UNG’s Appalachian Studies program was going to be at the Blue Ridge campus to talk about the program I eagerly attended in hopes I could convince her to offer one of the Appalachian history courses here. I have been interested in Appalachia and its history ever since I did a lot of hiking in the Great Smoky Mountains, and I believe that others in the area would be interested in learning about Appalachian history.
But after hearing her it I’m afraid that parts of the Appalachian studies program are a little too artsy-fartsy for my taste. One of the courses in the program is entitled “Appalachian Storytelling and Traditional Literature,” and if I understood the director correctly, she has a degree is in storytelling, Until that moment, I did not know you could take a course in storytelling much less get a degree in it. Maybe the old joke about getting a college degree in basket weaving is not so much of a joke.
Look, I appreciate a good storyteller as much as the next guy which is probably not saying a lot. I’m pretty sure of you took a poll of guys they would tell you that listening to a storyteller is not on their list of favorite things to do. If they tell you otherwise the odds are that they’re trying to impress a woman majoring in one of the arts, or they are a little light in the jeans. How many times have you seen a bunch of men sitting around drinking beer, eating chicken wings and listening to folk tales? Being entertained by bards and minstrels went out with Robin Hood and his Merry Men.
But regardless of whether you like to listen to storytellers or not, I have a problem with storytelling being a college course much less a field of academic study. It’s no wonder that so many of our college graduates cannot find a job if they have degrees in fields like storytelling. I doubt there is much demand for the degree in the job market. I’ll bet that companies like IBM, Walmart and General Electric don’t have a pressing demand for storytellers. In fact, I’m hard pressed to think of any significant job in the American economy where a degree in storytelling would be an asset.
Storytelling is not even listed on the U.S. Department of Labor’s Occupation Outlook website as an occupation. That that tells you something considering that it lists adobe layers, bassoonists, bean roasters, beer coil cleaners, bird trappers, cheese weighers, goat herders, go-go dancers, net repairers, tenors, vaudeville actors, wind tunnel technicians, zookeepers and exotic dancers as occupations. Of these occupations, exotic dancing is the only one that I know far too much about.
The absence of any need for storytellers in real life probably explains why the director of the program works for a university.
Naturally, I got to wondering what a want ad for a storyteller would look like. Here’s what I came up with:
Storyteller wanted. Must have three years’ experience telling stories, tall tales, fairy tales and assorted invented narratives. Must have your own stories; stories will not be provided. Required that you own a clown suit with floppy feet and a big red nose and be good around children. Balloon animal tying skills desired.
Now, a lot of people I know—me included—probably could get a degree in bullshitting but I think that’s a different thing than storytelling…or maybe not.
Fortunately for me, the Appalachian Studies program offers three legitimate courses in Appalachian history which look interesting but I got the impression it is run by a dick professor who doesn’t like old guys auditing his course. He’s probably afraid that we might know more than him. I don’t know that for a fact but it makes me feel good to lash out blindly every now and then. It probably doesn’t matter since I doubt they will offer the courses in Blue Ridge anyway. Professor Dick is probably too self-impressed to drive up from Dahlonega to teach here in Blue Ridge anyway. (Damn! I did it again.)
If there’s a point to this post, it’s this: If you’re are planning on moving to the country when you retire and have thought about taking some college courses just for the heck of it, you better check out the educational opportunities where you’re going. There are not a lot of college choices in most rural areas, and you may be disappointed.
No comments:
Post a Comment