A Letter From Yacavone Land

This post is more in the nature of a letter home from Camp Grenada. That’s a Stan Freberg reference for those of you too young to remember (which is probably three-fourths of the planet at this point). Consider this a family album post.

There is a possibility that my youngest son, Michael, who is in the Marines, will be stationed in Bulgaria. Meredith found this out on a website devoted to potential Marine deployments.

To be honest, I thought Bulgaria was a stomach condition caused by eating too much starchy food so when I heard that Michael might be deployed there I was a bit confused. Then it was explained to me that Bulgaria is located on the west side of the Black Sea. It is north of Turkey, south of Romania, east of Serbia and Macedonia and near the Ukraine. I only have a vague idea of where those places are but it was enough information to let me know that Bulgaria is not a disease—though it sure sounds like a good place to get one.

I know absolutely nothing about Bulgaria, and I’m sure that I’m not the only one. No offense to Bulgarians but I bet 90 percent of all people surveyed would say that all the following statements are true:

1. Bulgaria is populated by short hairy women who resemble potatoes.
2. The Bulgarian diet consists mainly of turnips and onions.
3. The Bulgarian national flower is the liverwort.
4. The most popular men’s cologne in Bulgaria is made from garlic.
5. The most popular sport in Bulgaria is chasing goats.

So I looked on the internet to see what I could find out about Bulgaria. As it turns out, Bulgaria doesn’t sound like that bad a place to visit—the women are attractive (just google “Bulgarian Women” to find out), the food is like Greek food (which I love), the national flower is the rose and the most popular sport in Bulgaria is soccer. The word is still out on the garlic cologne.

Much to my surprise, Bulgaria is a member of NATO. According to Meredith’s information the Marines are going there to conduct joint training exercises with the Bulgarian military and to show Putin that the U.S. can’t be pushed around. I think it’s a little late for that but what do I know? If Michael is deployed there I’ll ask him to look for one of the famous Obama red lines. He’ll probably have a hard time finding it. I hear it’s thin and easily crossed with no repercussions.

On the whole, Bulgaria doesn’t sound like a terrible place for Michael to be deployed. There are certainly worse places. If he does get stationed there Meredith and I will likely go and visit him. I’m interested in seeing what Bulgaria is like, and I’d like to pick up a couple of t-shirts that say University of Bulgaria on them just to confuse the hell out of people. 

Incidentally, the photo above depicts a traditional Bulgarian folk dance in traditional Bulgarian costumes. I assume the dancers are traditional Bulgarians. I guess it's the Bulgarian equivalent of Riverdance. 

Autumn has come to North Georgia. The air is crisp and cool in the morning. There have been a couple of frosts. The trees are starting to turn colors, and fallen leaves are starting to litter the lawn. Falling acorns are doing a steady tattoo on the metal roof of the woodshed, and the squirrels are busy storing nuts and acorns for winter. There are dry corn stalks in farmers’ fields. The turkey chicks I saw last spring are almost fully grown. Br’er Rabbit is running through the pasture. Let me know if I’m beginning to sound like Uncle Remus.

The fall garden is winding down. There are sweet potatoes and regular potatoes still in the ground. I have to dig up them up one of these days when I get motivated. We still have leeks, Swiss chard, kale, collards and cabbage to pick. They’ll last until the first hard frost which could be anywhere from a week to a month and a half away.

If you have been following this blog, you know that I’ve had groundhog problems in my garden and bought a couple of traps to try to catch the sneaky little bugger. In the interest of full disclosure, I want to give you the score so far: Possums 3, Rabbits 2, Groundhogs 0. Obviously I’m not having a great deal of success catching groundhogs, but I’m hell on the possum and rabbit population.

We have a new dog. He wandered up to me while I was raking hay in the lower field, and we adopted him. At Mike’s suggestion we named him Recon. I have a problem remembering names so he also answers to Rocky, Rocket, Rocko, Ricola and Retard. I sure hope that dogs cannot have identity crises.

The vet says that Recon is a border collie/terrier mix. I know nothing about dogs but I’m told that terriers are smart and that border collies like to herd animals. I’m sure those traits will come in useful when I become a doddering old fool wandering around aimlessly. Meredith can simply tell Recon to herd me in for supper, and then Recon can help me do the crossword after dinner. Recon has already caught and eaten a field mouse which makes him okay in my book. I’ve started showing him photos of rabbits and groundhogs smothered in gravy.

I’ve starting writing a biweekly column for a local newspaper. I will use it to highlight all the foils, foibles, tribulations and shortcomings of local government with an occasional rant and rave about national politics.

It’s no secret that I am on the conservative side of the political spectrum so I’ll probably toss in an insulting polemic against liberals and progressives when the mood strikes me. I imagine that some of these columns will arouse the ire of Fannin County Democrats. There are not a lot of them. According to voting records only about 20 percent of the county is registered Democrat. Even so, there is an active and vocal Democrat Party in Fannin County which I think is rather courageous given how conservative this area is.

I’m not too worried about suffering any retaliation from the local Dems. Most of the ones I’ve met in this area are of the tofu-eating, Prius-driving, Birkenstock-wearing variety—not exactly the crowd to strike fear in your heart if you know what I mean.

Well, that’s it from Yacavone Land. Until next week.