Lost and Confused

I thought I had a good sense of direction, but driving around here in Fannin County is convincing me otherwise. In Florida I always had a sense of where I was in relation to the Gulf of Mexico. It’s easy to orient yourself when you have a huge body of water to the west. It also helps that most roads in Florida run north and south or east and west.

My sense of direction seems to have deserted me here in Fannin County. There is no large body of water to provide orientation. The most significant geographic features are mountains, and there are a lot of those in all directions.

The cabin faces some large mountains. When we first started coming up here I thought the cabin faced north because I assumed that any mountains had to be in the direction of North Carolina and Tennessee. It took me seven years to realize that there were mountains between here and Atlanta and that the cabin faced south. You would think that at some point I would have realized where east and west were based on where the sun rose and set. Sometimes I can be such a Danny Dumbass. Obviously, I'm no Daniel Boone.

Of course it doesn’t help your sense of direction when the roads twist and turn in all directions. Even if you are oriented when you start, after a few turns you’re lucky if you can point to your ass.

Even when I know where a particular route starts and ends from studying a map, I’m often amazed at the result. Maybe there is an unusual space/time warp around here that does strange things to the geography.

Sometimes I get confused even after studying a map. There are a lot of roads that have an “old” version of the road. For instance, there is Dial Road and Old Dial Road, Cashes Valley Road and Old Cashes Valley Road, and Field Road and Old Field Road. Sometimes the “old” road is not located in the same part of the county as the “new” road at which point it’s a mystery to me why they named the new road after the old road. Maybe the roads are not named after each other but rather after people. Maybe there was a Mr. Dial and an older fellow by the name of Dial; hence, Dial Road and Old Dial Road. Whatever the reason, it’s confusing as hell.

Adding to the confusion are the areas of the county that are not even marked on a map but are well known to locals, like Epworth and Hemptown. One old fellow told me he lived in Hemptown. I could not find Hemptown on a map of the county. I finally figured out where it was when I got lost (imagine that) one day.

There are three areas in the county known as Booger Hollow, Hells Hollow, and Snake Nation. As you have probably deduced, you will not find them identified on a map. According to one source, Hells Hollow got its name when a family saw a man stagger out of a hollow. When they asked him where he had been, he replied, “Hell.” Snake Nation allegedly got its name from a Cherokee clan that lived there. I have no idea how Booger Hollow got its name, and I am almost afraid to ask. I was told that there was an area known as Mule Shit Hollow, but the name was changed for obvious reasons. I’d have given anything to have Mule Shit Hollow as an address.

I have always had a fascination with place names. When I travel I like to peruse a map for unusual or descriptive names for cities and towns, roads and streets, and geographical features. Fannin County has its share of interesting place names.

There are a lot of hollows and hollers. There’s Channing Hollow Road, Gork Holler Road, Happy Hollow Road, Hidden Hollow Drive, Hillbilly Hollow Road, Misty Hollow Road, and Old Hollow Road. I suppose Possum Hollow Road was inevitable, but I am surprised there is no Sleepy Hollow.

Roads with the name “bear” in them are popular. There’s Bear Claw Road, Bear Cub Trail, Bear Den Road, Bear Track Trail, and Bear Walk Road, to name some of them. I assume someone was trying to be clever or was a lousy speller when he or she named Bear Foot Drive. My favorite is Bear Walks Medicine Path.

If you’re into cheap wine and lousy hangovers, there’s Boons Farm Road. Keeping with the theme, Fannin County has Boot Legger Road, Bourbon Street, Moonshine Mountain Road, and Moonshine Ridge Road. There is also Wild Turkey Lane, but this could have been named for the bird rather than the bourbon.

I’d like to know the story behind Bushy Head Gilmer Road. Was it named after a man with a full head of hair? There’s also a Bushy Head Lane, Bushy Head Road, and Bushy Head Fannin Road.

I’m not sure I want to visit Chigger Ridge Road, Critter Road, or Blue Tick Road, and it’s probably better to stay away from Shotgun Alley and Cops Road.

Roads with names that appear to be from the old days are Coon Gap Road, Cut Cane Road, and Hardscrabble Road. I particularly like Lickskillet Road.

I pass Trotsalot Road when I drive into Blue Ridge. I speculate that the person who named it rode horses a lot or had a recurring stomach ailment.

You can stroll down Memory Lane and visit Dew Drop Lane, but I recommend you avoid The Forest Has Eyes Road.

I don’t know what to think of Elvis Presley Boulevard. From what I’ve seen, there is not a road in the county that deserves to be called a boulevard.

I intend to find out how Black Ankle Creek, Hot House Creek, Fightingtown Creek, and Crusher Creek got their names.

The bottom line is that if you come to Fannin County be prepared to be lost and confused. Bring a GPS device, a map, and a compass. An emergency radio and signaling flares may be in order too. Otherwise, you may get lost on the back roads and never return.