Here at Last

Here at last. Here at Last. Thank God I’m here at last. Meredith and I are finally here and in the process of unpacking.

The last three weeks have been something of a whirlwind. I spent the last two weeks of August saying goodbye to friends and clients. I had my last city meeting, last dictation, and last business phone call. When I went to bed late Friday, August 30, (slightly inebriated, I might add) my retirement officially started. The next day Meredith and I picked up a rental truck to take the last load of possessions to Georgia. By Sunday afternoon, the house was completely empty−no beds, no chairs, no television, nothing. We cleaned the house on Monday, and on Tuesday we headed up I-75 to start our new life in rural Georgia. Wish us the best on our great adventure.

Walking through the empty house on the last day brought back many memories. So much happened there.

I married Meredith and bought the house within four days of each other in 1979. I knew nothing about home ownership and financial planning. I’m still a little vague on financial planning, but that’s another story. I read an article that said that home ownership was a good investment. It urged a young couple to buy the most house they can afford. So we did. Actually, we bought a house we could barely afford.

Looking out the front window, I was reminded of those early days. We had to watch our pennies to make the mortgage payments in the first couple of years. There were many evenings when our entertainment was sitting on the front porch with a six pack of beer watching the thunderstorms roll in off Tampa Bay. Now our entertainment is sitting on the front porch after dinner watching deer. Is it the circle of life or what? Our first furnishings were an old bed, two used dressers, the couch from my apartment, a folding table, and a couple of wooden chairs.

The empty living room brought back memories of the time before children. I immersed myself in the practice of law. I may not have many good qualities, but I know how to work hard, and I did. But it was not all work. We developed a group of crazy friends. Being young and childless, we partied like hell. I will never forget the toga party we had at the house. The house was jammed with people in various states of dress and undress. Meredith’s father came over the afternoon we were decorating and didn’t say a word about the large wooden dildo hanging from the ceiling fan. That was good because I was still new to this marriage thing and not sure of the right thing to say to a father-in-law about a large wooden dildo. Miss Manners didn’t cover that in her book. I made a large tub of grape juice and grain alcohol. It was potent, to say the least. Fortunately, there are no known photographs of the conga line of drunken revelers snaking through the house.

Life went on this way until 13 years into our marriage, Meredith said, “It’s about time to have children.” I had not given it any thought, so I was like, “Sure. Sounds like something to do.” Talk about being clueless. One year later, Jake came along. Walking into in the room where we had his crib made me think of the first time I changed his diaper. No one told me that when a little boy’s peter stands straight up, a gusher is soon to follow. I’m standing there feeling fatherly pride over his little woody and suddenly there was this fountain of pee jetting all over the place. I felt like I was in a bad World War II submarine movie. Then there was the baby shit. Meredith had this ability to take a couple of baby wipes and make the kid’s ass antiseptic. When I was done changing a diaper there was poop all over the place. It was on me, the walls, the ceiling fan, the cat. Hell, I think I may have gotten some on the neighbor’s house. It looked like a 500 pound shit bomb had exploded.

A couple of years later Mike was born. Standing in the TV room, I can remember both kids laying on me on the couch as we watched Barney and endless repetitions of their favorite videos. I must have watched 101 Dalmatians 101 times. It’s a wonder that I didn’t suffer permanent brain damage. I was actually starting to get the hots for Cruella De Ville. She was like a cartoon MILF. As for Barney, I had fantasies of taking that son of a bitch out with a high-powered rifle. As the kids grew older, the TV room was the place for train sets, Leggos, and testing balsa wood gliders.

These and many other memories flooded over me as I wandered through the empty house. So much happened there. But now the kids are off to college, and if Meredith and I have done our jobs right, they will go on to have lives and families of their own. My professional life has ended, and whatever my accomplishments, they are memories now. Staying in the old house would only be a reminder of what has been. There’s nothing sadder than someone who wallows in the past. You can’t go back. The way I see it, this move to Georgia is a good thing. The good memories will always be there, but there are new memories to make. As Joe Dirt said, “You got to keep on keepin’ on.”

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The Tick

I found a tick, I found a tick.

You’ll never guess where.
It starts with “D” and ends with “ick.”
And that’s all I got to say about that.