You Know You're Living in the Country When...

You know you’re living in the country…

• When the only movie theater in town is a drive-in.

• When you can look at your potato plants and can identify three bugs by name.

• When you can name five different animals that you saw as road kill on your way to the grocery store this morning.

• When you can tell the difference between cow manure that’s been aged two years and cow manure that’s been aged three years.

• When you keep the poison ivy spray on the bedside table.

• When the back of the toilet has a stack of farm equipment supply catalogs and old American Rifleman magazines.

• When most of your clothing was purchased from Walmart.

• When you buy your morning cup of gourmet coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts because the nearest Starbucks is 40 miles away.

• When you asked to help build a float for the Fourth of July parade down Main Street.

• When the local Kentucky Fried Chicken has a buffet dinner on Friday and Saturday nights.

• When the sports coverage in the local paper includes the recreation department’s ten and under girls’ softball league.

• When a man riding a horse down Main Street is not an unusual sight.

• When there is a feed store in the heart of downtown.

• When the Chairman of the County Commission and the Speaker of the Georgia House of Representatives attend the grand opening of the local Walmart.

• When you find yourself stopping at the local farmer’s coop every now and then just to see what’s new on the shelves.

• When you start watching tractor pull competitions on RFD TV.

• When you have a dress baseball cap that you only wear on important occasions.

• When you have a dress pair of blue jeans that you only wear on important occasions.

• When you keep a clean set of bib overalls to wear to town.

• When you own three different types of hoes.

• When you start wishing your tractor had more cup holders.

• When your tan starts at your wrists because you’re always wearing work gloves.

• When the bed of your pickup truck always has bits of straw and cow manure in it.

• When the first thing you do in the morning is check your garden.

• When you donate your old American Rifleman magazines to the local homeless shelter and no one thinks twice about it.

• When seven out of ten men in your church group routinely carry a handgun in their cars.

• When your after dinner entertainment consists of sitting on the porch listening to a classic rock station, drinking a beer, and waiting for the fireflies.

• When the only sounds you can hear in the morning are bird calls.

• When the nearest stoplight is ten miles away.

• When you start to shop for a more comfortable tractor seat.

• When you see tourists from Atlanta and wonder why they are dressed so funny.

• When you start wearing work suspenders rather than belts.

• When you start thinking about buying a nice pair of cowboy boots to wear as dress shoes.

• When you have to think about how to tie a tie.

• When your handkerchief is a red bandanna.

• When you think that a three-point tractor hitch is one of the greatest inventions ever made.

By these standards, I’m living in the country!