Christmas in Fannin County

Well, it’s Christmas in North Georgia. There is a festive feeling in the air. The local radio stations are playing Christmas carols. The town of Blue Ridge has had its Christmas decorations up since Thanksgiving. The Blue Ridge train (quite a tourist attraction) is decorated with Christmas lights and features Santa Claus as a conductor. The parking lot at Walmart has been busy for the last few weeks. The local churches have had their Christmas concerts. Manger scenes sit in front of many of the churches, and Christmas lights decorate many houses, even those along country lanes. You see your fair share of ugly Christmas sweaters and cars decorated with reindeer antlers and Christmas wreaths.

Christmas reveals how charitable and giving folks are around here while at the same time revealing how much poverty there is in this area. The local chapter of the Marine Corps League had its gift drive for Toys for Tots, and the response was overwhelming. The League is now busy distributing gifts out of the same building that houses the food pantry—and believe me, there are plenty of kids in Fannin County who would not have much of a Christmas if it weren’t for the efforts of the League and the amazing generosity of the more fortunate around here. As for the food pantry, it has been unusually busy for the last couple of weeks as needy folks and families come in to get food for the holidays. Churches, businesses, civic groups, schools and just plain people come by almost daily to drop off food donations to replenish the larder. Even the local bowling alley had a food drive for the pantry. Thanks to some generous contributions, needy families and individuals will receive a ham for Christmas dinner.

As I have noted before, Christmas is celebrated around here more traditionally and less secularly than what I was used to in Pinellas County. People wish other “Merry Christmas” more freely. The local radio stations do not hesitate to play religious Christmas carols, and local businesses do not mind putting a reference to Jesus’s birth in their advertisements for fear of offending someone. That’s only true for the local businesses. The Christmas displays and ads for the big grocery stores and national chain stores convey the same bland “happy holiday” message that we have become used to in this politically correct, God forbid we should offend anyone, do you need a safe zone? world.

I wish someone would explain to me how we got to be this way. We talk about diversity so much in this country but I question whether we truly practice it. It doesn’t seem very diverse to me to suppress references to Christmas, Kwanza, Ramadan, Hanukah and other seasonal celebrations by religious and ethnic groups for fear of offending other groups. It seems to me that makes us less diverse and more vanilla.

My first thought was that the reason Christmas is celebrated more traditionally here is because this is the Bible Belt, and we have more Christians in Fannin County. As it tunes out, that’s not true. According to 2010 census data, 63.1 percent of the folks in Fannin County self-identify as Christians and 36.9 percent are in the category “None” which includes atheists, agnostics, and “nothing in particular.” (Interestingly, there are only 6 people in Fannin County out of a population of 23,753 who said they belonged to some religion other than Christian.) Nationally, 70.6 percent of people identify themselves as Christian, 5.9 percent as belonging to a non-Christian faith, and 22.8 percent fall in the None category according to the Pew Research Center. 

That means we have less self-identified Christians and more self-identified non-Christians in Fannin County than the national average. And yet religion is more open and obvious here, and there is a greater religious undertone to the Christmas season than I experienced in Florida. Perhaps local Christians are more emboldened or maybe those in the None category more tolerant.

Whatever the reason, I find that I enjoy the Christmas experience here more than I did in Florida. It may have something to do with the fact that it’s cold outside and there always is a possibility of snow around this time of year. Having grown up in the north and spent five years living in Germany, I associate Christmas with cold and snow and chestnuts roasting over an open fire. But more than that, it also has to do with the fact that it feels more like the traditional Christmases of my youth when I was less jaded and cynical.

With that observation I will close the way I have done in my past Christmas posts:

“Christmas in Dixie” by Alabama

By now in New York City, there's snow on the ground
And out in California, the sunshine's falling down.
And, maybe down in Memphis, Graceland's all in lights
And in Atlanta, Georgia, there's peace on earth tonight.

Christmas in Dixie, it's snowin' in the pines.

Merry Christmas from Dixie, to everyone tonight.

It's windy in Chicago, the kids are out of school.
There's magic in Motown, the city's on the move.
In Jackson, Mississippi, to Charlotte, Caroline
And all across the nation, it's the peaceful Christmas time.

Christmas in Dixie, it's snowin' in the pines
Merry Christmas from Dixie, to everyone tonight.

And from Fort Payne, Alabama
God bless y'all, we love ya.
Happy New Year, good night,
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas tonight.

To which I would add:

And from Mineral Bluff, Georgia
God bless y'all, we love ya.
Happy New Year, good night,
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas tonight.

I Photograph a Coyote

I think it’s official: winter weather has arrived in Fannin County. I started writing this post yesterday at 6:30 in the morning. The outside temperature was 14 degrees. The day before the morning temperature was in the 20’s, and it did not get above the low 30’s all day. I had to wear my Radar O’Reilly hat to keep my ears warm. As I anticipated, winter sucks.

Thankfully, the cabin is a warm refuge when it is cold outside. Most of the time we heat it using a small wood stove. The way the cabin is configured the stove keeps the kitchen and living area comfortable. The bedrooms are another story; they stay cold. Our walk-in closet takes it to another dimension—you can hang meat in it. But that’s okay since I don’t spend much time in the closet. You don’t have to when your clothing choices are which t-shirt and which pair of jeans to wear. As for the bedroom, I don’t mind if it’s cold as long as I can sleep under a pile of blankets. In fact, I prefer it that way. What is not so much fun is getting out of a warm bed on a cold morning.

I’ve done a scientific study. It measures the effects of room temperature on a person’s ability to handle bladder pressure when snug in a warm bed. My data demonstrates that there is an inverse relationship between the two: the colder the room temperature the more a person will resist the urge to get out of bed to pee. If I extrapolate the numbers there is a theoretical point at which it is so cold in the bedroom that you would rather wet the bed or explode than leave your snug cocoon. Fortunately, it has not gotten that cold here. I’m thinking of doing another study on the effects of a cold toilet seat on bodily function. I’ll keep you posted.

On another note, there are a lot of coyotes in Fannin County. You hear them howling at night. I even managed to photograph one on the trail camera I put up in the back five acres. It was a pretty healthy looking coyote. I posted a photo on Facebook and some suggested it was too big to be a coyote. I did a little internet research and found out that coyotes average between 21 to 24 inches tall at the shoulder, between 3.6 to 4.4 feet long from nose to tail and weigh between 20 and 50 pounds. It’s hard to judge from a photograph but the coyote in the trail cam photo appeared to be well within those parameters.

I also discovered there is a wolf/coyote crossbreed called a coywolf and a rare dog/coyote crossbreed called a coydog. Coydogs are rare because the mating cycles of dogs and coyotes do not match. (Interestingly, humans are the only mammals who do not have a mating cycle. Males want to mate 24/7/365. That explains a lot). I’m not enamored with the names coydog and coywolf. I’d rather they were called dogotes and wolfotes though I suppose there is a chance that one could confuse them with types of pastas. At any rate, I do not think the creature captured by my trail cam was a coydog or a coywolf.

I suppose it’s no surprise that there are a lot of coyotes around here considering how sparsely populated the county is. Given the number of coyotes you would think they would be a bigger problem than they are. I’ve heard a couple of accounts of henhouse raids being attributed to coyotes but my impression is that they are less bothersome to humans than bears and deer. They may get into unprotected trash every now and then but they seem to leave people alone for the most part. However, coyotes prey in deer, and they can have a significant impact on local deer populations according to the Georgia Department of Natural Resources. Maybe that’s the reason coyotes can be hunted year round in Georgia.

According to the internet sources I read, hunting coyotes is not easy. One source says that coyotes are “one of the most difficult of all animals to hunt, more challenging than deer, bear, turkeys and waterfowl combined.” They typically hunt at night and rest during the day. Sounds like hunting coyotes in the winter involves a lot of sitting around in the dark freezing your ass off. I’m not sure the effort is worth the reward though several websites indicated that coyote pelts have value and coyote meat can be eaten. These websites say that coyote meat tastes like dog, and I know that several cultures, including Native Americans, relished dog.

Over the past couple of years I’ve written about my issues with deer, bear, moles and groundhogs. Now I know that I have at least one coyote using my property as a thoroughfare. It’s kind of cool being in a place where wildlife isn’t just something you read about in a book or only see at a zoo.

Winter Cometh, Winter Sucketh

Fall is over in these parts, and we’re on the cusp of winter. The trees have lost most of their leaves, and fallen leaves lay like a thick carpet in the woods. We’ve had a string of mornings when the temperature was in the low 30’s, and I’ve had to start a fire in the wood stove to chase the chill from the house. In the morning the dogs run out for a quick pee and then run right back in to settle next to the woodstove. Sweaters and flannel shirts have come off the shelves, and my flip flops have been relegated to a back corner of the closet. There is a chill even in the afternoon air, and there’s talk of snow in the near future. You just know that winter is right around the corner.

When you hear the word “winter” it brings to mind the holidays and those fictional winter scenes where the kids go to grandma’s house for hot chocolate and cookies, and the grown-ups sip hot toddies and rum flips next to the fire. In your head you hear Nat King Cole crooning, “Chestnuts roasting by an open fire. Jack Frost nipping at your nose.” It sounds so cozy and comfortable, warm and fuzzy, doesn’t it? Well, that’s all bullshit as far as I’m concerned. At least the warm, comfortable and cozy part is. If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m not looking forward to cold winter weather.

This will be my fourth winter in North Georgia. The first one was exciting, the second one was so-so and the third one was barely tolerable. I can already tell that this one will suck. Now that the novelty has worn off I realize that I hate being held prisoner by cold weather for an entire season. Thank God I didn’t decide to retire to some place like North Dakota or Wisconsin.

I’ll grant you that cold weather is a nice change of pace when experienced in limited doses. A weeklong ski trip is great. A short visit to someplace cold gives you a chance to wear your sweaters and knit cap. There’s a certain enchantment to sitting in front of a fire on a cold evening sucking on a pipe and sipping a fine scotch while musing on weighty matters. Seeing your breath on a frosty morning is fun for a brief interval. But when you have to deal with cold weather on a daily basis for four months it loses it attraction and is simply an ordeal.

I’m 50 percent Danish. You would think that with my Danish blood I would relish cold weather. I probably would if I could spend it like the Vikings did in a warm hall with a roaring fire drinking mead and eating greasy meat while groping blond Valkyries with large brass breastplates. At least that’s how I picture it. It probably wasn’t like that in real life, and I suspect that Norsemen thought the same thing as I do about winter—it sucks. I’d be willing to give the fantasy version a try this winter but I know I’ll never convince Meredith to wear a metal breastplate on a cold day. I suppose the comparable experience for a guy would be to walk around with an ice tray in your shorts.

As a long time Florida resident I am used to the idea that all you have to do to leave the house is don a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and slip on your flip flops. Try that in cold weather, and you’ll freeze your nuts off. When you want to leave the house on a cold day you have all these decisions to make. Can I get by with a sweater? Do I need to wear gloves? Scarf or no scarf? It’s a pain in the ass I tell you.

There’s so much about cold weather that is inconvenient, inhibiting and painful: icy windshields, cold fingers and toes, dribbling snot, fogged glasses and frozen earlobes to name a few. Moreover, I find cold weather to be a libido killer. Schlepping around in flannel pants, a sweatshirt and furry bedroom slippers doesn’t help you feel like the virile stud muffin you are especially when Willy and the Twins have become Tiny and the Peanuts because of the cold. Overcoats and parkas are not exactly sexy women’s wear unless you’re into blimps and barrage balloons. When’s the last time you saw an Eskimo pinup calendar?

I suppose the solution is to find time this winter to go someplace warm for a while—someplace where men can be men and women are identifiable. Maybe I’ll call it my Free Willy Tour.